I am a terrible sitter. Seriously….I have a hard time sitting down and doing nothing. If you watch my kids talk on the phone, they pace, because that's what I do. I cannot sit down and talk on the phone. Now don't get me wrong, I can lay in bed and catch up on tv shows like the best of them, but during the daylight hours it is very rare for me to actually sit down and do nothing.
Our sermon series right now at church is titled "Sit, Walk, Stand." When I first heard the name of it I didn't think too much about it but halfway through the first sermon I thought I was going to have a very hard time with this. This isn't right. We are made to go and do. Not sit. It just didn't really resonate well with me. Now, I am not a new Christian. I was saved when I was 9 years old and grew up in church. However, sometimes it still takes me a while to realize that the reason I am uncomfortable is because God is talking directly to me.
I know a lot of my friends have very special gifts that I don't have. Some of them know exactly when to show up on my doorstep with a pan of brownies, some of them know when to text me at the exact time I need it, some of them (like my mom) know how to put words on paper and mail me letters when I need it. However, I have always thought one of the things I was good at was doing. If there is a need in the classroom, I will do it. If there is something that needs organized, I don't mind sending out emails. If J. O. is having a potluck at work, I will sign up. I want to be involved. In the middle of it. Needed. In charge. In control.
Saturday my phone rang while I was at a birthday party. I recognized the number and decided it was best to wait until I was home to talk. I got home and called the person back and just like I expected it was news I really wasn't wanting to hear. Not because it was bad news, but because we are now facing an outcome that might not look like what we want it to look like with the girls. We have been told things would most likely move in a certain direction on the siblings case, and we have been guarded against that, until last week when it looked like it really might happen. However, Saturday we found out, once again, things are totally up in the air once more.
I came home Saturday, laid the girls down, J. O. was outside working, the house was quiet and I actually sat. I went in our unused room of the house and simply sat. I talked out loud, I rationalized, and right about the time I started trying to work things out on my own, I remembered something we had just talked about in Bible study. It was about Martha and Mary and the way they reacted when Lazarus died. When Jesus came in Martha was thrilled He was there, but in her mind she was already working out plan B. Jesus, however, was still on plan A. I was reminded that God is still working Plan A in these children's' life. I was quick to start making alternative plans in my head and try to figure out plan B, C, and D, but that's not how this works. God has a plan for me and for these siblings. His plan for me is to sit and His plan for the siblings is Plan A.