Tuesday, April 15, 2014

In over my head…..

I have, once again, not sat down at the computer in what feels like forever.  We just got back from Disney World and while we had an absolute blast there is nothing relaxing about that trip.  There is little time to really check email, texts, etc.  We left the room early in the am and didn't return home most nights until bedtime.

Now that I am back, I must admit I am in another one of my wonderful funks.  I mean, if you only know me through this blog (which, who am I kidding is very few) then you probably think I am a very whiny person.  I promise I am not, but it just seems like every now and then I become this way.  We had an amazing time on our trip.  It was tiring but great.  I had so much fun spending time with J.O, Trey and Addison and our extended family.  On date night, I laughed so hard I had no eye makeup left on by the time we headed back.  It was fabulous.  However, I found myself upset that I wasn't more ready to come back and jump back into the life we left behind.  You know, the one filled with a 1 year old and 2 year old?

Don't get me wrong….I missed these girls a ton.  Walking in and hearing 'Anna' run to us screaming and jumping was great.  BUT….there have been moments since we got home that are hectic and crazy and I am longing for the week I spent not telling someone not to throw their food, sit down in your highchair, not having to give 2 babies baths, not having to listen to a 1 year old who has decided crying is her new language.  Seriously, she went from easiest baby alive to fussy, fussy, fussy.  I realize how this makes me sound but it's just the truth!!  Life was busy and tiring last week but oh so easy.  And of course a bit magical.

And then of course I was brought back to what I know and believe.  God didn't call us to live a comfortable, easy life.  Why in the world do we, as Christians, think we are here for our own ease and pleasure?  J.O. and I right now are having a tough time in some areas.  There are some work things, family issues with the girls and it seems like every afternoon from 4:00-bedtime is complete and utter chaos.  However, when we were walking around Disney World Trey was constantly pointing out things 'Anna' would love.  At one point, someone asked Addy who she was buying for and she said…my sister for right now  (We didn't explain it…it's more fun that way).  No matter where we go or how far removed we are from the daily routine, they are still thinking of them.

I still have absolutely no doubt our family is doing exactly what we are called to do, but I will admit that the devil has been working overtime to make me think I am in over my head.  He is planting fears about the future, fears about finances, fears about staying the path we are on and so forth.  I have to remember that God is not a God of chaos.  He is a God of order.  What God has called us to do, He will continue to see us through.  But I refuse to act like it's always going to be sunshine and roses and magical.

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