In our Bible study right now, we are talking about praying expectantly. When I first saw that, I really didn't think much about it. I mean, I am pretty good about praying for things that come my way and about things that seem natural to pray about….But, as I got more into the lesson I realized I am such a "half-hearted" prayer. I pretty much keep it safe and simple, and if I do add a really big request in there I want to make sure I end it with a safeguard. You know, in case it doesn't happen.
The girls case is a mess right now. All over the place with placements, mom, family members, etc. Yesterday, there was a meeting to try to decide some of these issues and the attorney told me we would talk at the end of the day. I prayed for specific things to take place and then I just kept my phone glued to me at all times. By 5:00 when I still hadn't heard from her I started getting anxious, cranky, bad feeling in my stomach, etc. All my expectant prayers went out the window and my new made up scenarios came into my head.
J. O. got home and we were in the kitchen getting dinner and I was throwing out all the new scenarios in my head and trying my best to get him worked up too. However, he is so disappointing because he just looked at me and said, "Why is it when you don't hear something when you think you should, you expect the worst? Why do you automatically go to worst case scenario and get yourself so worked up?" He pretty much said….why do you have such little faith??
I, of course, argued that I don't but inside I knew that is exactly what I do. And the bottom line is, I don't pray expectantly and I put God inside a box and on my terms. Just because I didn't hear what I thought I would hear, when I thought I would hear it, I automatically assumed nothing good had happened with their case today. My prayer shouldn't have been that I would know something by 5:00 so that I wouldn't be so anxious and cranky. It should have been that no matter how long the situation takes that God would show Himself to these workers and reveal a better plan. The reality is, I didn't hear from them because they couldn't work it out and that is actually a good thing. There is someone fighting for these girls who wouldn't concede at the end of the work day yesterday so they are back at it today.
God was still moving and speaking yesterday when I had written it off because I had closed the lid on my box. I couldn't recognize anything outside of what I expected to happen because it didn't look like I expected it to look. The reality is that the answer still may not be what we think it should be. However, I am thankful for a God who is working for Kingdom purposes and not just a matter of making me happy right here and now.