Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Staying in my lane….

Apparently the week we were in Disney World, the video I missed in Bible Study had some discussion about staying in your own lane.  Beth Moore gave an example of a special needs child who won a medal for a race that he came in last place for.  When the mom asked how he won she was told that he was the only child who stayed in his lane.  Then Beth Moore went on to discuss how we often tend to veer out of our lanes at times and into other peoples.

Well, as I read through that, I honestly didn't think too much about it.  I've got my lane down pat and pretty much don't need to get into yours or anyone else's.  And then God smiled at me and my ignorance.  I realized, I am often like a football player who is bobbing and weaving all over the place.  A couple of months ago J. O. and I were praying about something that I realize looking back was totally from me and not from God.  I was praying about this because quite honestly I figured if "so and so could do it…so could I."  I was looking at other people and what they were doing and trying to figure out a way to get over to the lane they were in.  I thought my situation should look more like theirs.

How often do we do that?  Jobs, marriages, hobbies, etc.  I have realized that the times I am completely overwhelmed and feeling insecure is because I am trying to do what everyone is doing and not just what God has called me to do.  I can get so bogged down with what the future holds for our family and what it will look like.  However, in those moments instead of praying about it and realizing we are right where we are supposed to be, I start comparing lanes.   Well, so and so has 2 bio kids and 4 foster kids and she seems to be doing great.  I need to shape up and start doing more of what she does because in reality I am not doing much at all.  Or, I should really get involved with that hobby.  So and so does that and loves it and it looks like a lot of fun.  And so forth and so forth.  

I can become so overwhelmed by looking all around me and what everyone else is doing that I completely lose my focus.  It goes back to the fact that everyone has a special talent or gift and sometimes it hurts our pride to realize that might not be ours.  Right now I just need to focus on the lane that God has me in, and even if it seems like everyone around me is moving forward and passing me by, I am right where I need to be.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

In over my head…..

I have, once again, not sat down at the computer in what feels like forever.  We just got back from Disney World and while we had an absolute blast there is nothing relaxing about that trip.  There is little time to really check email, texts, etc.  We left the room early in the am and didn't return home most nights until bedtime.

Now that I am back, I must admit I am in another one of my wonderful funks.  I mean, if you only know me through this blog (which, who am I kidding is very few) then you probably think I am a very whiny person.  I promise I am not, but it just seems like every now and then I become this way.  We had an amazing time on our trip.  It was tiring but great.  I had so much fun spending time with J.O, Trey and Addison and our extended family.  On date night, I laughed so hard I had no eye makeup left on by the time we headed back.  It was fabulous.  However, I found myself upset that I wasn't more ready to come back and jump back into the life we left behind.  You know, the one filled with a 1 year old and 2 year old?

Don't get me wrong….I missed these girls a ton.  Walking in and hearing 'Anna' run to us screaming and jumping was great.  BUT….there have been moments since we got home that are hectic and crazy and I am longing for the week I spent not telling someone not to throw their food, sit down in your highchair, not having to give 2 babies baths, not having to listen to a 1 year old who has decided crying is her new language.  Seriously, she went from easiest baby alive to fussy, fussy, fussy.  I realize how this makes me sound but it's just the truth!!  Life was busy and tiring last week but oh so easy.  And of course a bit magical.

And then of course I was brought back to what I know and believe.  God didn't call us to live a comfortable, easy life.  Why in the world do we, as Christians, think we are here for our own ease and pleasure?  J.O. and I right now are having a tough time in some areas.  There are some work things, family issues with the girls and it seems like every afternoon from 4:00-bedtime is complete and utter chaos.  However, when we were walking around Disney World Trey was constantly pointing out things 'Anna' would love.  At one point, someone asked Addy who she was buying for and she said…my sister for right now  (We didn't explain it…it's more fun that way).  No matter where we go or how far removed we are from the daily routine, they are still thinking of them.

I still have absolutely no doubt our family is doing exactly what we are called to do, but I will admit that the devil has been working overtime to make me think I am in over my head.  He is planting fears about the future, fears about finances, fears about staying the path we are on and so forth.  I have to remember that God is not a God of chaos.  He is a God of order.  What God has called us to do, He will continue to see us through.  But I refuse to act like it's always going to be sunshine and roses and magical.