I have blogged about this before but some blogs are worth repeating. I have mentioned before that people say they don't foster because "they could never let a child go." While I can somewhat understand the sentiment behind this, it implies that people who DO foster are heartless people that sing..."another one bites the dust" while packing their kids up to leave. Not true, just in case you are wondering. This also implies that we don't get attached and have no real feelings when kids leave. Also not true. This morning Annalise (who is still working through her own attachment issues) asked if C was coming home on Wednesday.
We hurt the same way you would hurt. I must admit that I am not a huge emotion showing person. People who know me well know that I cry tears on the inside. I jokingly tell people, that I often have to try hard to cry if I know I should be. I remember this going back to childhood. I would cry hard and not a single tear would escape. As I got older, I would read in novels about...wiping away a single tear rolling down their cheek....and I would think, "who are these people who have tears escape so easily???" It's just not something I am able to do.
However, last night as I was buckling an almost 2 year old in a strangers car and she was reaching for me and screaming "dadadadadada" over and over, I started crying. The ugly cry with tears falling down and face all contorted and so forth. It wasn't pretty.
And then I got mad. I got mad that a 21 month old child is in this situation to begin with. I got mad that she spent Christmas with us, called me mama, ran to me when she was hurt, and ever had to enter the system. I got mad that because homes that can take siblings are so few and far between that she had to adjust to us and call Trey "bubby" for months before a spot opened up where she could be reunited with her sisters. I got mad that my kids biggest fears are that we have run out of bacon. Or that we may not be able to go to Sea World next week while in Texas. Or that I may forget to wash their favorite pajamas and so forth and so forth. I got mad that because of these moms dumb decisions, my babies have to suffer.
And you should be mad too. You should spend less time worrying about saying goodbye and more time being mad that these kids ever have to be in these situations. Mentor a young mom, volunteer at a high school with 'at risk' kids, volunteer at DHS and have your eyes opened to reality. Get mad enough to do something. These kids deserve so much more. They deserve more than being ripped from siblings, they deserve more than moving multiple times, these moms deserve proper education and parenting classes that will actually help.
I cried on my way home and then put on my big girl pants and parented my other 4 kids. I did that because I am stable, secure and have a husband who helps. I did that because my pain at shedding real life tears, falling down my face, was far worth it to never having known C at all. Can't foster because it's too hard to say goodbye?? Sounds pretty selfish when you think about it.