Lots of things have been on my mind this week. Last week was our first full week with baby B and also my first experience in juvenile court. It was nothing like I thought. I really thought I would be outside the courtroom and not be a part of what was going on but that wasn't the case at all. I was in the room and listening to all the proceedings. However, what I think I was least prepared for was seeing B's parents. I walked up and they were sitting on a bench waiting on court to start and I just wanted to cry and run away. Not because I didn't want him being with his parents because I think he needs to see them, but because I wasn't prepared for the rough reality he is facing when he does go home to them. This is the part of the "other world" that is right next door to us all that we have conveniently removed ourself from. These are the people on the street begging for money, the people we walk away from in a store because they are so different than we are, they are literally the people we pass everyday and silently make a judgement about them without even knowing where they come from.
After I left court I was so torn. I was torn between not wanting B to have to grow up in this reality and sickened by the fact that because of life circumstances these people haven't had all the opportunities I have had. This mom is not a drug addict or alcoholic, she is a poverty stricken woman who is a child of the system herself. She has no help, no support and no seeming way out. It is such a different reality than I grew up in. My biggest concern growing up was whether or not my mom was making my favorite dinner or what kind of car I would get when I turned 16.
As I have thought so much about what rough reality he is facing I am constantly being reminded of why we are doing this. The prayers that are literally covering this precious baby right now blow me away. The kindness and support our church has shown us is almost unimaginable. And the way I am constantly being reminded of not to judge others makes me realize I have so far to go. In our service Sunday we had someone talk about the fact that people in poverty (or homeless) need relationships and to see Christ through us and not just "things" thrown at them.
When I first met his parents I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I wasn't even able to talk to them but I am thankful I now have a face and a specific situation to pray for. I saw his mom again at his visit on Friday and this time I was able to help her take B and show her some things on how to care for him. My hope and my prayer is that she will see that I am not just someone who is taking care of her child while she can't but that I also care about her as a person. I have no idea how long we will have him but I hope it's long enough to accomplish this.
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