The time has arrived. We have our first foster baby and I have to say the feelings are somewhat different than what I thought they would be. Now, don't get me wrong...I knew I would love the baby because it's natural to bond to a child you are caring for but I didn't realize I would have such mixed feelings. More on that in a minute.
It is so cool how everything worked out. I told J.O. that I wouldn't mind a week or so off of school before we received our first child but I truly didn't feel that would happen. He thought it would of course because J.O. tends to deny things until they hit him in the face. More on his issues in a different post.....Just Kidding. Anyway, the last week of school (Tuesday to be exact) I received a text from someone we had met in training asking if we could maybe help them out and take a baby they had been caring for since birth. Due to some circumstances they just needed some relief for awhile. I told her we would but we had to open our home first. We tried to get that done Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday but just never could get in touch with anyone. Finally, Thursday we got a call saying we were open and we could take the little baby. The original day we had planned to open anyway. Funny how sometimes we can try to take things into our own hands and it doesn't work that way.
We got him home about 4:00 on Thursday and it hit me...we were caring for someone else's child. That's when the emotions became different than what I had ever considered. My motherly instincts kicked in and I immediately felt attached to this child and had feelings for him but at the same time I had such sadness. I hadn't counted on this part while I was caring for the child, only when he/she left. It makes me so sad to think that HIS parents are missing out on the sweetest time in his life. We've had him 4 days and already we notice so many funny/sweet things about him...like the fact that he thinks he may perish if he doesn't eat the second he gets a tiny bit hungry...or the fact that he started smiling yesterday and will only smile at
Friday I went upstairs and was rocking him to sleep and just had a moment because it's so hard for me to imagine a world where parents choose not to take care of their children. I'm not talking about parents that make the choice of adoption because of circumstances, but I am talking about parents who make choices that they know will mean they can't have their own child. I'm sure as time goes on I will understand that they are a part of my ministry too but right now I am just so torn...torn between being so happy for the short time we will spend with this precious baby and then being so angry for the people who are missing this sweet time out of choice.