Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Waving the white flag....

So, I was talking to one of my best friends, Amy yesterday and I was just tired.  Like very tired.  And she asked me how it was going and instead of just saying my standard answer I actually said the truth....that I was tired and I wasn't sure how much longer I could go on being so tired.  Then, I immediately started backtracking and saying that I wasn't trying to complain and it wasn't more than I could handle etc., etc.  She just said, "Well, nothing is going to be perfect all the time.  It's okay to be tired." 

That got me thinking.  I, in no way, have the perfect life..nor do I THINK I have the perfect life but I think sometimes I can try so hard not to complain, ask for help, or want to seem like a whiny baby that I can somehow put off the perception that I am trying to make people think everything is going smoothly all the time.  I mean, goodness....isn't that what social media does for us at our finest?  On our blogs, facebook pages, twitter, instagram, or whatever else is out there that I don't know about, we only post good things 99% of the time.  When is the last time you posted the first "selfie" you took?  I mean, I will be honest...the pics I take of myself always include a child but generally you are seeing take 50.  The first 25 give me too many chins and the last 25 usually make my arm look like it could reach through the phone and tackle someone.  It's a very delicate situation to get that perfect picture and then post it for all to see.

Same with our "status updates".  Beth Moore talks about this in one of her Bible studies.  First of all the very title of "status update" makes us all feel so important.  I mean, lets be honest...if it was titled, "another thing I am doing or my kids just did" it wouldn't be nearly as appealing.  Don't get me wrong, I am the best of the best at clogging up a news feed.  I love facebook and think it's a great tool but somewhere along the way I think we become so set on putting on our gameface and trying to make ourselves look so "good" that we miss the point. 

That brings me back to my original thought.  I am still not trying to complain and I am still going to preface this by saying although my life is far from perfect, I am blessed beyond measure.  However, I am going to lay this out there to make it a little more real:

1)  I am tired.  Not just tired like my kids got up a few times to go to the bathroom and I couldn't go back to sleep...but seriously tired.  I even got to the point last night where I laid in bed when B was crying and cried myself and asked God why he didn't want me to sleep...ever...I tend to be dramatic when I am tired as well.
2.)  It's hard looking at B and knowing what he is facing and wondering why God saw fit to give my kids such a plush life and B is facing such hardships.  Again, rationally I know that we aren't promised an easy life but it's still tough. 
3.)  Trey was at camp all week this week and more than once I thought about the fact that if we didn't have baby B, Addison and I could be doing a lot more things and I would be relaxing.  Isn't that terrible??  However, it's simply the truth.

All that to say this.....I will never get on here and just complain away because it's really not my nature (except sometimes late at night to J.O.).  Especially now that we are fostering and I see such a glimpse of real life that's going on all around us.  I realize how blessed I am and even though I may be tired I have a husband who will walk along beside me and he is just as tired as I am.  However, I would never want to only put the highlights on here and pretend that life is gravy and I am doing a great job at it when in reality it's tough and I am failing a lot. 

Who knows...maybe one day on Facebook I will even put a "selfie" that shows more than one of my chins...but I highly doubt it. 

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