This little girl is a picture of my something hard. Those who know the girls, know that she is actually the easier of the two, but she still represents what I never thought I could do.
A little over a year ago, I read where one of my friends asked God to help her be uncomfortable. I will be honest...I read that and thought "more power to you sister, but I am good." I continued to think about this though and realized I felt convicted to pray the same way. So I did and time went by without too much changing. We had baby B at the time and Anna most weekends, so I really figured that was my something hard because Anna knows how to keep you on your toes. After B left, I knew there was something more for us to do. I still thought about praying for God to make me uncomfortable often, but I just wasn't sure what it meant.
Fast forward a month and we were asked to take 2 of the 3 siblings. After we said yes, I hit panic mode for a bit. Seriously 2 more full time?? We were fine with that on some weekends but all the time? Plus, I had seen this baby once before. How would she sleep, how would she react to the new environment? How would we continue to go and do like we are accustomed to with 2 small kids?
The night they were dropped off was so hard for me. I remember sitting in a chair in our front room and just crying while she slept. I felt so bad. She was scared when I laid her down and wondering who these strange people were and the different smells. Anna was upstairs asleep but also very confused about why her sister had come with her. I had never felt so helpless and confused. I also had thoughts of "what have I done....wonder if this was a huge mistake."
I will be honest...it took Abby a lot longer to settle in and adjust here than it ever took Anna. Anna walked in on day one and took over the house. Abby didn't. She fussed with me, she honestly didn't seem to bond with me quickly. She was fine if I didn't pick her up or see her for a bit. Looking back now, she was 8 mths old when she first met me/us. Why did I expect her to be so excited that this new and amazing family had decided to take her in? Baby or not, she had formed all her early attachments somewhere else and needed lots of time to adjust. She is still not a bubbly child who likes to feed an adults ego by smiling and laughing at them. She is fine sitting alone and playing by herself and if you get too close she will most likely hit you if the mood strikes.
But, watching her the other day it finally clicked. She was my "something hard and uncomfortable." She made me realize how good it can be when you allow yourself to be put outside your comfort zone and not just pray reactively but expectantly. Watching the two girls together is something that everyone should see. There is a bond they have that is almost unexplainable. Trey and Addison can't imagine being apart so they don't act as if it's a possibility. Taking siblings is something I NEVER thought I would do. However, I am so glad that one day over a year ago I was convicted to pray to be uncomfortable. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have spent the last 7 1/2 months with a quiet, hot tempered, smart, feisty, funny, little girl.