Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Knowing my role..

Last week, I was talking to someone who works for the state, and through our conversation she realized we never started our foster care journey to adopt.  She was surprised and said it was almost a general consensus around there that most of us who begin this process want to adopt.  It made me think how skewed I must let my role become sometimes.

I am a foster parent.  I am still a foster parent at this very moment.  Even though, we have two children in our home who are available for adoption does not mean that has happened.  I still have to ask permission to cut their hair (or maybe I don't, but I just do), I still can't pack up and leave the state with them, I cannot post any pictures with them in it.  Does that seem petty and irritating to me?  Some days it does and that's because I am allowing my role to be skewed.

When we began fostering I gave little thought to the bio parents.  Crazy I know.  I was so focused on the children we would receive and how that would go.  When we had B and school started back, I quickly realized he had visits smack dab in the middle of a school day and it interfered with pick up time for Addison.  I was irritated.  It would work out so much better if he had visits at the beginning of the day when he was more awake, happy and then I could get kids home, settled and napped.  Not to mention on Tuesday when I was going to start doing Bible Study, it wouldn't work at all.  Then, at the very first visit I had the opportunity to meet his mom and things changed for me.  I realized this wasn't about me and my needs or convenience at all.  I was normally able to keep my complaining in check until the weekend visits started.  Oh goodness.  Irritating once again.  I mean, they didn't stick to our schedule, they didn't feed him when I wanted and so forth and so forth.  Somewhere again, I lost my role.  I forgot what I was called to do.  J.O. was usually quick to remind me and then I would be grounded again.  We always had the talk that YES....we are definitely an advocate for the child during this time, but it's not about us.  I firmly believe that you should be in contact with your ad litem and truly be a voice for the child if you see behaviors or delays that need addressing.  But at the end of the day, you are called to love this child, care for this child and support reasonable reunification efforts.  Even if you don't understand it.

I can say with 100% honesty, that I wish our current situation would have been different from the beginning. I wish the bio mom would've had the strength and support she needed to get help.  The few times I was able to be around her, I felt such a draw to her.  She loved seeing pics of her girls and really had a deep desire for them to come home.  She just didn't know how to get there.

We are in a holding pattern right now.  We are waiting on things to get in motion and waiting on other things to be finalized.  We are waiting on papers, documents, hearings, etc.  I would love to say patience is my strong suit but its not.  I would love to say I have had a glowing attitude through all the waiting we have previously endured but I have not.  However, I am determined to continue my role with these girls until the day (hopefully) you can see their faces.  That may mean some inconvenient visits, permission for things we deem silly and so much more.  One thing I do know with certainty is this....Our journey started as a foster care ONLY journey and I would have never dreamed a year and a half later we would be on this path.  However, I am thankful for a God who has gone before me and is seeing fit to slowly mold our story and plan, into His story and plan.

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