Tuesday, May 27, 2014


Sometimes it seems like there is an ocean in front of me.  Surely, someone else can relate.  It's such a beautiful scene to look at and so peaceful to stand in front of, but you can't see the end.  You can't tell which way it's coming from, where it's going, or when it will run out.

I feel like that all the time right now with the girls.  They are such a blessing and so much fun, but where is the end?  What is the answer and when will we have some direction?  On the days where they seem to be too much to handle, I feel I am drowning.  Then, at other times, the thought of them leaving makes me feel like I am under the water looking up and I can't speak or breathe.  I haven't been on this journey long, but the situation we are in seems so out of the ordinary.  There are seriously so many different directions this could take.  We have scenarios that seem completely far fetched, but there are days I start to wonder.  What is the future for these girls and their brother?  What is the best plan?  How did we even get here?

This week I have had the beach on my mind.  One of my closest friends is there enjoying a relaxing week with her family, and my sis and bro in law just moved there for a year.  They are definitely in my happy place.  My absolute favorite time at the beach is first thing in the morning when I sit on the balcony and just listen to the ocean and watch the waves crash.  Normally, the kids are still waking up and watching tv so it is quiet and calm.  This is where I long to be.  This is what I want for these siblings.  I want peace and calm and a security about their future.  I want them settled and having a reassurance that no matter what, they are loved and cared for.  I want things for these girls that most people simply take for granted knowing they will have.

I want the ocean for them.  I want the peace, security, calm, beauty, and awe that I see every time I sit on the balcony, but I just can't help but feel right now we are in the middle of a storm.  Please pray for these kids and especially as we head to court in less than a month.  Pray for the workers and the court system who will be working 'hopefully' together to decide the outcome.  They need clarity and wisdom and I don't envy the job they have before them.  One thing I do know, we are promised a hope and future and thankfully we aren't walking (or swimming) alone.

Hillsong United
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

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