I have decided to try the ol blog one more time after I successfully skipped an entire month. Let's just act like that was the plan all along.
I can be a very slow person sometimes. Not slow as in getting ready, getting the house clean, staying on task, etc, but slow to really understand things. I am one of those people who will take a very elementary principle and have to stew on it for a long time. I am sure most people read things, accept it, understand it, and then move on. I will read something, accept it, agree with it, re-read it, think about it, come back to it, take a picture of it with my phone to revisit later, and then think on it while I am in bed. It's a problem really.
The other day, Annalise and I were in therapy and she kept repeating herself over and over and doing the same motion. The therapists and I were talking and she stopped me and said...."when kids repeat themselves they are trying to tell us something." So we stopped and listened and of course Annalise decided to stop as well.
The other night, I was in Bible study and our story was on the temptation of Eve. Now, in all honesty, I didn't realize our study that night would be on the temptation of Eve because the previous week, my book had been magically displaced (it has since been found right where I left it). However, as I was listening, it hit me. I had just studied this in depth at home with Addison, our Community Bible Study lesson had touched on it, and here I was hearing it again. It was at that moment, I realized I needed to stop and listen.
But about what? A basic story about Eve? We all know the gist....she was tempted, tried the fruit, gave it to Adam, hid from God and then it was over. They knew they had sinned, had to leave the garden, etc.......
I came home that night and continued to think on this. I started thinking about Eve. I will be honest....I have never really thought of Eve on a personal level. Never really thought about this more than just 'it is what it is.' She was tempted, she gave in and they paid the price. End of story.
Only, there is so much more to it. Eve, thought by tasting this fruit she would gain wisdom. It was very pretty too and looked so good. She looked at this piece of fruit for so long that she started to justify it. She started thinking...there's nothing wrong with this. I mean, I can kinda relate......I know eating an entire plate of cookies over and over again, could one day lead to diabetes, but sometimes the temptation is too strong. Eve, knew there were plenty of other options in that Garden, but in that moment, at that time, she couldn't think of anything else except that piece of fruit.
I am SOOOO bad at this. I can often think....if only I had more patience, if only I had more free time, if only we could afford all this, if only I could have what 'so and so has'. It can look so much more appealing, so much prettier, so much better tasting than the leftovers I am currently serving.
However, that never really works out so well, huh? Trying to live someone else's life, or being discontented with what we have and looking at others......Thinking that what they have would make us happy. It will always leave us unsatisfied and before we know it we are hiding in shame and unhappiness.
So, all that to say this.....my crazy life may be at times very unappealing. It may look like an apple that has gotten a little too soft and brown. It may look like a dried out cookie and there is a fresh plate just within reach. It may look more like dirty diapers and chaos and less like crisp linens and flowers. And in those times, I can stare at the shiny red apple for so long, that I start to justify it. We should close our home, I should go back to work to get out for a bit, we should move to the country, change our numbers and hide. But in those moments, God is faithful to remind me not to go there. Don't be tempted by the shiny things of the world that can make it all look easy. It's in these times, He will often use a child with a toy in therapy and a Bible story to catch my attention. So for today, I will be thankful for the chaos, the kids, the carpools, the craziness and see it for what it is.....the only piece of fruit I need.