Monday, August 31, 2015

Boy Mom.....I am not....

Tonight, I want to give major props to all you boy moms out there.  Kellie, you come to mind immediately.  You handle boys with a mixture of toughness and grace that I just don't have.  Suzanne, you also come to mind.  You have taught your boys to make their own lunch since they started pre-k. They come over to my house and have impeccable manners and don't nag you at every turn.  You are also the one who warned me that 9 would be the year of the hormone.

From here on out, I can only refer to it as 'the hormone'.

This post has little to do about adopting/fostering but a lot to do about my own inadequacies at raising a boy.  Today, Addison actually told me these things..."That I was taking away her soul, I had no idea how she felt, she was teaching me tomorrow, I couldn't enforce time out anymore (she soon saw otherwise) and that I was no longer cool."  I took all with a grain of salt and literally cried laughing at some.  I get her.  She is me.  She is strong willed, smart aleck, witty, funny and will not be run over.  I love it.  And her.  She's my new favorite right now.

Enter Trey.  Oh. My. Goodness.  He is in a whole new era and he is like a foreign creature.  I look at him and I see a green alien.  He cries at the drop of a hat.  He has become a smart mouthed pre-teen at 9.  He forgets his school books.  Every. Single. Night.  He won't go to sleep.  Some small part of him wants to be rocked to sleep, but an even bigger part of him wants to distance himself.  He is jealous of the attention Addison is getting.  He is struggling with 4th grade.  He hates all the homework.  He loves football.  He isn't that great at football.  And so on and so on.

And I don't understand.  I don't get the crying.  The need to push.  The need to hit with pads on.  The smart aleck comments.  The loss of my little boy who lived to make everyone happy.

He is changing and it's tough.  We are keeping a 5 YO boy right now who is transitioning to an adoptive home.  This little boy has my heart but he has Trey's nerves.  Trey got in the car the other day and looked back and said...."he's still here?"  It broke my heart.  I mean, innocence is gone.  For the first time, Trey expressed his own feelings first.  This boy annoys him and he would like him moved please.  He is used to babies who cry and mommy or daddy change a diaper and the world is right again.  He is not used to kids who takes his toys, hit him, or demand my attention for school.

We had a long talk about orphans and he quickly changed his tune.  He learned more about his background and decided one of two options:  He either liked him, or he would pretend to like him because I am making him.

Basically, I am struggling.  I am struggling with the changes Trey is showing.  I am struggling with the loss of my 'go with the flow boy', I am struggling with my non diagnosed ADD child, I am struggling with 'the hormone', and for what it's worth I am just struggling.

Here is my one adoptive/fostering plug....if you don't do it because you are worried about how you will handle these kiddos, or how you will bond.....let me just end with this.....I ALWAYS feel more protective, more in tune, more 'mama bear' with my foster/adoptive kiddos.  I get them.  I can sympathize with them.  I can handle the crying.  And so forth and so forth.  If someone wants to come over and raise my bio boy....well, that would be great.

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