It has been awhile since I blogged. I would love to give some great excuse but the truth is, I just haven't had anything to really write about.
I have had a lot of people ask me what we plan to do after the adoption. They want to know if we still plan to foster or not. The truth is, I am not sure what we plan to do at all. I know right now, we have our hands full. We have 4 demanding children that take a lot of our time. I know that right now, if we brought another child into our home we would not be able to handle it. I also know there are amazing moms out there who think 4 kids is child's play, but I am not one of them. Just reality around this house.
To be honest, I haven't handled this reality of the unknown future with fostering too well. I love the girls so much, but I have to admit, I've been unsure why God is taking us down the adoption road. You can't know our story and deny it was 100% orchestrated. But, it's not the story I had mapped out for us.
Our story was going to go more like this....We would get tons of kids in and out of our house, we would take all their pictures, record the dates we had them, and 10 years from now look back on all the little lives we had influenced. The reality of our story is more like this......we have been open for 1 1/2 years and have had two placements. Baby B and the girls. Two. Far cry from the tons in my head.
So what is our plan? What do we plan to do? Our resource worker asked me that again today and I just said I don't know? We were undoubtedly brought down this path for the girls and their family but what is next? I just don't know.
So that's why I haven't blogged. That's why I haven't had much to say. There have been no court dates, no visits with mom, nothing to really share and put down on paper. And that scares me....not because I have this desire to blog daily about drama. Not at all. But it's because God so pointedly changed my path mid walk and I am just simply confused on where to go next. How will I be used in the future to continue to help these children? Respite? Emergency Care? I really don't know.
However, I could have never imagined that this time last year, on the eve of my birthday and the first weekend baby B spent with his relatives, that we would be where we are. That we would be working with an adoption specialist instead of a caseworker, that we would be discussing with our resource worker our plans after the adoption is final, that we would be looking at doing respite after only having two placements, and so forth and so forth.
But what I do know is that God promises, "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us" Ephesians 3:20
For that I am grateful. I know that even though I have no idea what my next step is, that it will be exceedingly and abundantly better than anything I could have planned.