Monday, December 16, 2013

Not the life I planned…...

This is one of those posts that people probably read and realize I am still a very selfish human being.

There are lots of days I would LOVE to go back to our old "normal".  There I said it.  I always said I would only have 2 kids and I would work.  I wanted 2 kids because lets face it….when you add more than 2 you become outnumbered.  You also have to add a chair to most breakfast tables.  It's quite annoying.  Most tables come built for 4 and if you want to add a 5th chair you have to make the thing become ginormous and who has room for that in a 'breakfast' area??  

Seriously, these were the reasons I had.  I also planned to work when the kids became older because to me, that's perfect.  You can get out of the house and they can go to school or childcare and you can justify ordering out because you are too tired to cook.  When you have been at home all day (all be-it just as busy) there is really no excuse in most peoples eyes for not having dinner made.  Now, don't get me wrong…I worked full time last year and it's no gravy train.  In fact, I didn't really like working full time.  I never felt caught up, I always felt rushed and I hated it when a child got sick.  However, I always thought I would work part time.

Then we started fostering.  It's been great.  Seriously, I have felt all along we were doing exactly what God has called our family to do.  We had strict guidelines….birth-1year and only 1 child at a time.  They needed to be relatively healthy and a good sleeper would be a plus.  I was willing to foster, but on my terms.

And these guidelines worked out great at first.  Baby B was a true blessing and we loved having him with us.  We knew we had him for a purpose and had a wonderful experience with his caseworker, DHS and everyone.  There were several 'bumps' along the way with his case so it also prepared us to expect the unexpected.  It was during this time we met 'A' and knew she had come into our life for a purpose as well.  We weren't really sure what that was but we knew we were supposed to help with her.  We had her and baby B together at several points and always managed, but it was hectic.  

When B left, we had several weeks just the 4 of us again.  It was nice, peaceful and a quiet calm. We knew that a break was just what we needed and took full advantage.  It was during Thanksgiving break and the kids and I stayed in our pajamas as much as possible.  

Then court with 'A' and her aunt happened.  It wouldn't be productive (or fair to the family) to give any details, but today we will be getting 'A' (23 mths) and her baby sister who is 9 mths old.  We will be their full time foster family.  To be honest, I have faced this with a lot of resistance.  I mean, we have 'A' all the time anyway so that won't be a big change.  2 under 2, full time, will be.  

I would be lying if I didn't say that sometimes I reminisce about the good ol days.  The days of 2 kids, a dog and a breakfast table that fits without an extra leaf.  However, once again I can't help but think how much we limit God when we put limits on what we will let Him do.  This won't be easy.  Nothing worth doing ever is.  This may not be the life I planned, but thankfully it is the one that God is allowing me to lead.  I can't wait to see how God works in our family through toddler 'A' and baby 'A'.

I may need to think of some new initials.  

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