Like I said, we had B's hearing today and I knew a relative had come forward for placement and that was okay. However, I just wasn't prepared for how fast it looks like it's going to happen. There are still some concerns but I am just trusting that it will work out the way it's supposed to. I am just praying that if this isn't the permanent solution we will know right away and B can get settled.
I think the toughest thing for us will be the back and forth emotions over the next month as we transition. I am battling the feelings of wanting to control it and hoping the situation turns out differently, but then I am also feeling guilty because this allows him to be around his family. It's so hard for me to selfishly stand back and truly pray that God's best plan for his life will prevail.
His attorney today asked me if I had been fostering long. I said no, that B was my first. She said, "oh, I really hoped you had been doing this awhile so that you were prepared for things like this." You could tell she wanted to ask if I would do this again but just didn't.
The truth is I am continually overwhelmed at the call God has placed on our family's life for this. I had a peace during court today that could only be from God and that's because of the countless people that told me they were praying for me. When the attorney came over to check on me I was shocked I was able to keep it together. This next month will be awful and confusing for the kids and I don't even want to think about it when he actually goes home, but we will continue to foster. We will continue to bring in kids that will most likely stay with us for a time and leave our home. God's plan is not for the state to be raising our kids, and seeing that today firsthand makes me more determined than ever.
8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.