One of the things said to me most often when I talk about fostering is, "I could never do that because I could never let them leave." To be honest, I haven't really known how to respond to this and so I've never said much or answered when people say that. Maybe I've just never known how I will handle it either so I didn't feel I should answer. Plus, I know it sounds so strange to most, but that was the last thing on my mind when we considered fostering.
This weekend was strange. It was our first weekend without B since May (except for a random night here and there with grandparents) and I wasn't sure how any of us would handle it. We weren't completely confident in the situation he was going to, and we weren't sure he would be taken care of the way he was used to. Friday was the hardest for J.O. but yesterday and today have been the hardest for me. I am ready to get him back, check on him and hold him and rock him. I am ready to talk to his family and see if I can hear the love in their voice that everyone has for B the minute they spend any time with him. Yes, I am even ready to stay up with him tonight when he is trying to settle down and sleep. I am just ready to get him.
But.....I am also already emotionally preparing for him to do this again Friday. Then, we will go through this again the following Monday, and so forth and so forth. I will most likely have the random break downs throughout the weekend again, and once again I will be comforted by the fact that God will give me the strength to let B go.
I am still not 100% sure how to respond when people say they could never foster because they could never let the child go but I do know this.....we put way too many limitations on our God. The God who wakes you up every morning, brings children into your life, provides you with a home and running water, is more than able to carry you through having a child transition out of your home. He puts people in your direct path to help carry you and sustain you, and so what if it's hard every now and then? My discomfort is far less important than the comfort B has had for 5 months. My heartache with seeing him leave, is nothing compared to him not having someone smile at him and change his diaper each morning when he wakes up. It's HARD....it's hard on me, J. O. and the kids. But, I am thankful for a peace that can only come from God and a cause that's worthy of the pain.