Thursday, August 15, 2013

My Past....

Do you know those people who haven't changed since high school?  You know, the ones who still look the same physically and act the exact same as well?  I however, am not one of those people.  Unfortuntaely for me there are people who probably remember me one way in high school, one way in college, and friends who know only the me now. 

I went out to dinner the other night with some college friends (and 2 high school + college friends) and started thinking about this.  A couple of girls said they read my blog and we actually started talking about how different I am now then when they knew me in college.  You see, in college, life was a party (sorry mom).  I knew my reason for being there was to finish school but I also enjoyed the ride along the way.  I was more worried about what I was wearing that night to whatever sorority function we had or fraternity house we might visit than what people saw in me.  I did visit the University Church some but only when I wasn't too tired.  The conditions had to be just right...early night in, no test to cram for, and clean clothes.  Any little excuse could keep me away.  Sad but true.

That got me thinking...I remember growing up and adults telling me "don't make the same mistakes I did", "actions speak louder than words", etc...  I remember thinking that all these adults turned out okay so it will be fine for me too.  Everyone needs to live their life and have a good time....

However, now I have so many regrets.  There are so many times that I hate the fact that people who only knew me in college have such a different view of me.  It's part of the reason that it's so hard for me to take praise on here for what we are doing.  A part of me just thinks...if only you knew the real me!!  That's when I have to be grateful for a loving and forgiving God.  One who doesn't remember my past sin because it's been forgotten.  When I start to beat myself up about things I have done in the past I can't help but think how happy that makes the devil.

We all have a past.  Some more colorful than others but a past nevertheless.  It's what we learn and do with our past that matters.  I hope my kids make better choices than I did in their college years but if they don't, I hope they learn from their mistakes and figure out how to move past them.  I have absolutely no doubt that my past allows people who knew me then (and who know me now) to understand that God is truly working through an extremely ordinary, sinful person. 

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