This week has been a long week. There is really no other way to say it. Several weeks ago I was writing in my journal and just had the feeling I needed to pray about taking another child for a bit. I really wasn't sure what it meant and didn't even know if it would be now, in several months or what. I simply wrote in my journal....child ?, toddler ?, J.O. would never agree right now....Then I wrote....but I will do whatever you ask and I will pray about it. (Seriously, if anyone ever got ahold of my journal they would be convinced a crazy person wrote it.)
So fast forward to last week and I found out about a lady who was seriously needing some respite care for her 17mth old she had. It was only for 3 days and she attended a daycare so it wouldn't be that tough. I wasn't sure why but I felt so convicted to reach out to this lady and so I did and we agreed to do the respite for her. Oh. My. I was not prepared for the little girl who would greet me at daycare. She was the cutest thing I had ever seen and just reached out her arms to me and hopped in my car. However, her story is heartbreaking. She is the true picture of a lot of children in foster care. They are in desperate need of stability and they need it yesterday. After a day of this little girl being here she was following me around the house and crying if I picked up B or Addison because she wanted me to hold her. She would call me mama (because that word doesn't mean what our kids know it means) and she would cling to J.O. when he would get home from work. It was such a different situation than B because thankfully B never entered that world. He is not being passed around from house to house and he has a stable home right now. He's not worried about crying for hours on end at night (trust me) because he knows someone will take care of him. This little girl has had no such assurance. She slept in our bedroom in a pack n play and she moaned and cried in her sleep off and on all night. All of our hearts just broke for her and what she has been through.
This week has been one of those weeks full of emotional ups and downs. I was driving to my moms yesterday and just had to laugh...within a 2 month period I suddenly went from 2 to 3 to 4 kids.....even if for just 3 days. It was tough. It was tough trying to feed B without her having a meltdown at my feet. It was tough because I was overwhelmed at the thought of how many kids are out there and how few homes there are. But then on the other hand I was grateful. I was grateful that I listened to God calling me to take a toddler for a few days because we will never be the same after having her at our house. We have a name and a face to pray for that needs some very real prayers. I am grateful because our kids learned a lot from being around this little girl and the situation she is facing. I am grateful because once again God sustained me on very little sleep and the patience (sometimes) to deal with the kids during the day.
We all have long weeks. Work, family, friends, kids, etc. can continually wear us out. However, last night when I was leaving my grandmothers she told me she would be praying for me because she figured I needed it. I agreed for sure, but I also told her that on my worst day it still wouldn't be as bad as what this little girl has gone through and if she can laugh and play then I figure I can too.