I have had several people ask me why I am quitting such a good job to foster when you can work and take care of foster kids. People are also curious why I don't go back to work part time or something like that so I can keep my position. The only real answer I have is I must be losing it. I mean, seriously...I kinda stalked my principal to get this job. J.O. loves to remind me of the email I received after about my 10th one to the principal that said, "Tamra, I promise I will contact you soon for an interview." Basically...leave me alone crazy woman. I am hoping that since he deals with so many people he has forgotten that I was the crazy one.
I really don't know why I am being called to stay home. And yes, as crazy as it sounds I feel I am being called to do this. I know at first J.O. just thought it was an excuse so I wouldn't have to work because after all, who can argue with what God tells you to do right? Seriously though, I have always enjoyed part time and really thought it was what I would go back to. I will be the first to admit that I LOVE first graders but think we should get out at noon. That would be the perfect job for me. I think I might start a school.
Anyway...totally off subject. When I started feeling led to take fostering seriously I also felt led to stay at home and devote myself fully to this and to our kids. I didn't think it would be a possibility at first because I am not sure if you realize this but private school isn't cheap. The thought of losing my income and paying full price for 2 kids is enough to give me an ulcer most days, but then I just have to take a deep breath and rest in the fact that God will see us through. I also have to realize that at this point and at least for the upcoming year God has granted us the means to make this work. Sometimes I get tangled up in trying to think 3, 5 or 10 years down the road and wonder how it will work and I just can't.
Another reason I am not working is because we feel led to foster infants. I am not saying that I won't end up with a toddler at some point because I've learned to never say never but right now we are very burdened for these babies. I also know that if I took on a baby and tried to still work my house would literally fall apart and that's not God's plan either.
There are days I am truly estatic about next year and being able to have 2 days at home with Addison for one last year, maybe not showering until right before I pick up Trey from school (if at all) and not feeling like a crazy woman every morning and afternoon as I try to get the kids to various places. However, in one swift second it changes to sheer terror...when will I take a shower with a crying baby, how will I manage DHS appts with Addison home 2 days a week, what if the money runs out and I have none coming in?? Honestly when those thoughts take over I just rest, write in my journal, read my devotionals, or go lock myself in the room with my glorious glider. Then I get back to realizing if it was easy, people wouldn't see God working through me. Because trust me, people that know me well realize that I could never do this on my own!